My Friend Constantly Wants to Talk About Herself: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

I have been friends for over two decades, who has overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she's often blindsided by others. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. Several of her social circle vanished during that time, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many of her friends have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each retired so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship feels one-sided. I open discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a holiday to a nation I know well repeatedly and resided in previously. I tried to provide insights, but this was not welcomed. She really only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I've just come back from four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she can understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out demands strength and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three involves requesting how the two of you will alter the interaction between you."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they won't release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they trust. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could initially present like this and then think on your words. If you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.